I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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