They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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