Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
