Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize