So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
