Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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