Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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