that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Randomize
