Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
