I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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