So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
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