i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Randomize
