please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
