Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize