i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
You made out with two different species that night
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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