i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
