He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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