Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Randomize
