lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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