No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
