I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
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