...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
My first STD was from a foam party
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
