i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
