Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
