Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
