I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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