Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
