How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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