You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I think weed is turning my hair brown
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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