Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Randomize