good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
