the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
