im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize