Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
