you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize