I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
