I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
