In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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