Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
