Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
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