You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
