Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
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