You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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