What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Boobs are out for the taking
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
