Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
