I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
