would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
