He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Randomize
