Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize