So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
