remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
