I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
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