I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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