Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
