why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
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