I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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