Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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