apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
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