if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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