Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
