I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
