he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
