Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
