he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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