i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize