proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I could fuck to npr.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
