i already hear my dad disowning me
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
