and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
And then the night went full on bisexual.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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