Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
