It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
