So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
