Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
