Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
