She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
then he tried to convert me to islam
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
