Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
