I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
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