you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Randomize
