my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I am spending my child support on dildos
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
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