i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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