aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
