GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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