Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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