New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize