brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I am mentally ready for anal.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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