You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
