so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
