This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
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