after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
