We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
