How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
