we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize