Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
