So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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