I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
