he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
