Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
