Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
