I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
